Journal: E001 The guardian angel is no more

Thu, Dec 4, 2014

Date: Wednesday 2014-12-04

Today was hard. I wanted to tab into your life-feed but you had not taken a HUD with you. You may fool the PG’s with such a tweet but not me Kyle. But I probably needed that. Needed to understand I’m not your Guardian Angel anymore. That I am not this part of your life anymore.

Well, this is why I write this journal.

I managed to get Sandrijn out to run, or better walk a bit with me. I count that as a success. She resigned as Director at Cerberus but you probably read that on twitter. I’m not sure it is the right decision but we did not talk that much about it.

Yesterday I spend the evening at her place too. I got drunk. Somewhat a breakup tradition by now. I cry and get drunk at her place. Quite fucked up. But the last time was around this time last year too. Maybe I’m not able to have a relationship. We’ll see next year. If I have hurt Sophie enough to break up with her by then as well.

Tomorrow I’ll tell her about Valeria. Maybe the shrink in her gets what is wrong with me. Can fix me. But I doubt it.

I hunted down a Atenist recruiter today. On my own, not a Phoenix operation. I’m sick trying Kyle, I just wanted to get something done. Details are in the family systems.

There is a picture glued into the journal

I nearly tweeted it to you. Reminded me of our night scuba diving.

A few words are crossed out and smeared by tears